You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
