so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
