She said her name was "party"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
