Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize