I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
