Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My ass is underappreciated
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
