Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
