Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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