his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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