i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
