my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
