Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize