her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
