I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
