I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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