I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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