I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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