No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
