There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
