I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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