I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
