'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
