I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
