Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
