I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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