So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
