He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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