what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
