omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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