Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
