I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
