I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
