Can Purell be used as lube?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
