you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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