If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize