This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
