the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
