9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
