p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
