I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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