whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
