Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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