Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize