What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
