When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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