Having a random hookup so left but love u
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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