her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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