Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
