I think my vagina is haunted
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
