She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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