Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
