i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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