Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
