you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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