I can tuck mytits in my pants
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
