Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
