my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
