i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
