we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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