So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
