Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
