he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize