apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
