I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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