omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
