I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
only you would photoshop your dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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