How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
