I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sarcasm needs its own font
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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