I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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