He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
